Most people that know me likely would never guess I’ve dealt with depression.  Sure, my family knew I was having a “hard time,” and loved me enough to ask what was going on… honestly concerned about me.  But, none of that mattered.  It didn’t make me feel better to know someone cared.  All I knew was I was hurting. I woke up knowing the day would be dark and a struggle just to make it through to the end when I could just get back in bed and escape.  The anxiety would set in along side the depression and make it all worse… I’d worry over EVERYTHING… compounding it all.  I just wanted to get to my bed… and sleep.  Yet, the next morning would come and it would all start over again… EVERY DAY.

I live in the south.  We own firearms… and usually a lot of them.  I was hunting one day when the storm inside my head was raging out of control and I just could hardly take it anymore.  For a brief instant, my hand was on the pistol on my hip.  For that split second I wanted it to just STOP.   I was NOT like this.  All my life I’d been full of confidence.  I’d believed I could do anything you put in front of me.  This was NOT me!!!  How did I get HERE!?!?  What has happened to me?!?!

I realized at that moment just how out of control it had become.

I knew I needed help.  I knew I could no longer do this because my life was in literal danger, from me.  Suicide was always a bad word especially being a Christian.  I knew this could never be an option, yet there I was.  I could no longer hear my Lord speak through the myriad of voices telling me I was worthless… that I could do nothing… that nobody could understand what I was going through… that I could not be helped.  But, if you are reading this… PLEASE hear what I have to say RIGHT NOW… I was wrong… and I DID make it… you can too… please please please believe me.  If you’ve been here, there is a way out other than the extreme of suicide, sex, drugs, or alchohol.

I soon after talked to the mother of a once great friend who worked with people going through things like this all the time.  I knew she cared and figured if anyone could point me in the right direction, she could.  As she spoke, she told me my story, without me telling her much of mine.  How?  Because she knew.  She’d experienced the same type of things in her own life and in the lives of others she’d helped.  It made me realize I was not alone.  Someone else knew.  Someone else had not only felt the same things, had the same thoughts, and experienced the same hopelessness, but, somehow came out of it.

She pointed me to a man who, over the coarse of time, helped me to see myself in the right light.  From day one, he pointed me back to God.  He helped me realize I did not have to do it alone nor should I.  Through God’s Word, the Bible, and much time, prayer and effort, God healed my heart and mind.  Now, do I still experience depression now and then?  Yes.  However, it no longer controls me as it once did.

God used His Word to show me the real story, that while I was not perfect, I’d placed my faith in Him and He was still in control.  I simply had to focus my trust on Him again.  That’s when the sun began to rise… and that ever so small light made it’s way back into my life until the sun rose again.

So, what is the purpose of this post?  I’m not a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or any of those things.  I am SO not qualified to counsel you through all of this.  But, what I am so very qualified to help you with is to tell you that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH LIFE-CONTROLLING DEPRESSION!

I made it through a depression that had me at the bottom… that had me contemplating, even for a moment, ending it all.  You can too.  And while I am not getting down on medication, I also thankfully never had to take any.

I know what you’re feeling.  I don’t know your situation.  But I know the things your mind is telling you… about your worth… about the hopelessness of the situation… about how this is your lot in life.  I know the lies your mind can tell you.  I know how what should be a simple easy decision in life seems like a mountain instead of an ant-hill.  You are NOT alone.  You don’t have to do it alone.

My best piece of advice is to tell you to TALK to someone.  Tell them how you’re feeling.  Sometimes that’s the break point of beginning to heal.  There is no shame in talking with a professional counselor.  I’d highly recommend a Christian counselor because they will help you, better than anyone, to get to the root and truth of what you’re going through and how to not simply have the tools to heal, but, the will and the One who will bring you through.

If you do not know Jesus in a personal way, I would absolutely love to invite you to get to know Him by visiting the link below and reading with an open heart and mind about the One who can and will heal your heart and mind in a lasting way.

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7

Who Is This Jesus?

I pray His blessing and guidance for you and healing for whatever troubles you today.  PLEASE feel free to email me if you’d like for me to pray for you.  It is up to you how much you tell me, but, don’t feel obligated to say anything more than a request for prayer.  Also, please feel free to share this word with anyone whom you feel may benefit.

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